


Hazubando-sama ni Banzai

by merycula (thanksillpass)



Series: Kiseki no Cafe [4]
Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-07
Updated: 2014-07-07
Packaged: 2018-02-07 20:46:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1913268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thanksillpass/pseuds/merycula
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“sorry shin chan double shift dont be angry w me pls ill make it up 2 u in the evening” she typed and crossed her fingers, hoping that Shin-chan wouldn’t deem it reason enough for a divorce.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hazubando-sama ni Banzai

Takao was inconsolable. She loved Kuroko like a brother from another mother, really, but sometimes he could have been such an evil piece of shit. It made her in equal parts proud and furious. Well, now it made her 110% furious because he _knew_ Shin-chan’s birthday was today and he _still_ went to visit his family, undoubtedly on purpose, ruthlessly taking advantage of Kagami being physically incapable of saying no to him.

“Please, understand, Kazu-san,” he said over the phone. “It’s an eight-hour trip. I won’t make it before closing time. Have you tried calling Kagami-kun?”

“His little brother is down with a fever,” she replied, and couldn’t help but smirk at the way Kuroko’s breath hitched. “You angry he didn’t tell you?” she teased.

“No doubt, he didn’t want to worry me,” he deadpanned, but she still could detect the tension in his voice. “Well, I’m sure Kise-kun would be thrilled to come in on his day off if I asked him but I believe he has… previous commitments. Do you want me to try regardless?”

Takao groaned. “Ugh, no, whatever. When Kise’s MIA, he’s MIA. I can’t believe this. He’s probably getting laid on some tropical island while I spend _my husband’s birthday_ at work. I hate him, I hate you, and I hate Mondays. I also hate my life.”

“I’m truly sorry.”

“Yeah, yeah,” she muttered, rubbing her temple. “I get it. But I’m still pissed at you. You knew very well it was Shin-chan’s birthday.”

“Lies and slander.”

Takao clicked her tongue and hang up right after telling Kuroko to go back to hell where he crawled out of. She run her hand through her hair, making it even a bigger mess than it already was. Monday always were slow, so she didn’t mind having an early shift even though she was anything but a morning person. But being forced to take a double shift, and on a day like that, was something she did not sign up for.

She busied herself serving the few customers that swung by, cleaning the tables and machines, basically doing anything to delay the moment she had to text Shin-chan the bad news. Usually he’d be here before noon, waiting for his afternoon classes, but they were supposedly cancelled so he should go straight home and wait for Takao. Only Takao wasn’t coming because the universe hated her and she had the King of Hell himself for a coworker.

Sending off another satisfied customer, she slumped against the counter and took out her phone.

“sorry shin chan double shift dont be angry w me pls ill make it up 2 u in the evening” she typed and crossed her fingers, hoping that Shin-chan wouldn’t deem it reason enough for a divorce.

The reply came immediately. “It’s fine. I don’t care.”

Takao gritted her teeth. The problem was that Shin-chan did care. He cared enough to skip classes; cancelled, her ass. If she was prone to crying from something other than laughter, she’d be drowning in tears by now. She tried calling but she only got voice mail, which confirmed that Shin-chan was angry and disappointed – perhaps he would go to classes after all. Takao whimpered softly and regretted not waking up before Shin-chan and at least giving him a birthday blowjob. That might have not been the most romantic idea she’d come up with but it would at least drain some grumpiness from her husband and maybe she wouldn’t have to sleep on the couch tonight.

“I hate that fucking couch,” she whined.

A woman whom Takao didn’t even notice, gasped and covered her giggling child’s ears with her hands, shooting Takao an outraged look before unceremoniously walking out of the shop. Well, obviously the universe was determined on ruining this day in more than one way for Takao. That could get her in serious trouble but, somehow, she doubted that the woman was planning to come back and what Kagami didn’t know couldn’t hurt him so maybe not all was lost.

“Oy, Tetsu, you in?!”

There was something about Aomine Daiki that made Takao roll her eyes but also fix her boobs at the same time. Not that she particularly wanted him to drool over them but he had the tendency to look at less sizeable chests with pity and it made Takao act all defensive and stuff.

“No. Just me. Yours flat truly.”

Aomine rolled his eyes. “That was _one time!_ Let it go. Besides, I’ve seen the light now and I’m a changed man.”

“What?!” shouted Takao, not even trying to stifle her laughter. “Don’t tell me your basketball shorts finally dropped for someone without a D-cup. What did she even _do?_ ”

Aomine scowled, losing the smugness. “She punched me in the face,” he mumbled.

Takao doubled over with laughter. There _was_ justice in the world, the universe did _not_ hate her all that much. Aomine’s ridiculous frown (and, oh shit, was that a blush?!) did nothing to help Takao calm down and she was near the point where not only tears but snot started coming out. Aomine grumbled something petulantly and Takao almost choked on her spit when the bell chimed in, announcing another customer.

Takao’s knees almost gave out underneath her when it turned out to be Shin-chan. The grin died out on her lips as Shin-chan nodded curtly at Aomine and took his favorite seat in the corner. Takao swallowed and rushed to his side.

“Don’t mind me,” he snapped. “I can see you’re having fun, don’t let me interrupt. I’ll call you when I’m ready to order.”

Never before had Takao turned from nervous to annoyed so fast – what a goddamn drama queen. She rolled her eyes and stared at Aomine pointedly for a moment until he took the hint and shrugged with a huff. Takao slumped down on the chair opposite Shin-chan’s and before Aomine left, out of spite, she sighed theatrically.

“I should have blown you this morning.”

Shin-chan spluttered indignantly, blushing to the roots of his hair and Aomine tripped over his own feet, surging forward and colliding with the door before composing himself enough to find the door handle. Takao smiled, regaining her faith in the karmic forces.

“Takao,” growled Shin-chan, narrowing his eyes.

She shrugged. “You were the one who started being all dramatic and passive-aggressive. Anyway, what are you doing here, don’t you have classes?”

“I told you they were cancelled,” huffed Shin-chan, fixing his glasses.

“Yeah, but I thought they were like I’m-gonna-skip-them-to-be-with-my-wonderful-wife-and-tell-her-they-were-cancelled-cancelled, not actually cancelled-cancelled.”

Shin-chan flushed and cleared his throat. “Don’t be absurd, I would never do such an irresponsible thing.”

Takao felt warmth spreading all over her and she smiled fondly, resting her chin on her folded hands. Shin-chan was avoiding her eyes, staring at the menu he knew by heart and Takao had to bite back a giggle. He was so embarrassing it was endearing.

“Either way, I’m glad you’re here, Shin-chan” she said. “I was really bummed out about not being able to come home and celebrate your birthday with you.”

Shin-chan hummed noncommittally, still not looking at her. “There was nothing you could do. It was fate. Scorpios rank eighth today.”

“Let me guess, Aquarius ranks first,” she said with a snort, imagining Kuroko laughing devilishly, surrounded by the hellish fire. “Go wild with your order, Shin-chan. It’s on me!”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Takao. We share a bank account. _Half_ of it may be on you.”

Takao chuckled, waving her hand nonchalantly. “I attract generous tippers. Even though I’m flat. Suck on that, Aomine.”

Shin-chan opened his mouth to comment, but a couple of customers walked in and Takao sprung to her feet, plastering a wide smile on her face. When she returned to her husband, she expected him to finally order something, but he only glanced at her before dropping his eyes and flushing.

“I happen to be very fond of your breasts,” he muttered, and Takao simply had to sit down. “You shouldn’t listen to half-brains who know absolutely nothing about aesthetics.”

He finished his speech with an awkward nod and Takao bit her lip to stop the whimper trying to escape her. She wasn’t prone to blushing but she could feel her cheeks heat up and she had to hide her face in her hands. Shin-chan was insensitive rudeness embodied and it always punched the breath out of Takao whenever he decided to actually take her feelings into consideration and make sure she felt appreciated and desirable. And the embarrassing awkwardness with which he tried, only moved Takao more – she really shouldn’t find it so endearing but she always found herself overflown with affection.

“I love you,” she blurted out.

Shin-chan’s eyes widened in surprise and the blush on his cheeks deepened. He huffed dismissively and turned his head to the side, his fingers fidgeting on the menu he was _still_ clutching in his hands. Really, Shin-chan.

“Well, that it is to be expected,” he stammered. “We _are_ married and I would be gravely displeased if it was a loveless union.”

Takao laughed. “God, you’re such an adorable dork. You’re _adorkable_ , that’s what you are. Wanna make out in the backroom?”

“Takao,” snapped Shin-chan in an admonishing tone, failing miserably at hiding his embarrassment.

“Come on, we can hang the be-right-back sign,” she taunted, wriggling her eyebrows. “I deserve at least one break, sitting here all day by myself. It’s not quite as thrilling as what we did last year but-”

“Stop.”

Shin-chan’s expression indicated he was in equal parts mortified and aroused, which meant he remembered _very clearly,_ but still wouldn’t relent. Takao pouted and crossed her arms on her chest, sighing.

“You’re no fun,” she complained. “This day is no fun. I was gonna make you red bean soup and we were going to throw darts at cat pictures and we were going to have lots and lots of celebratory sex.”

“Well,” grunted Shin-chan, clearing his throat. “I admit it would be preferable to sitting here and being constantly interrupted by strangers, but there’s no helping it. We can spend the afternoon here drinking less than satisfactory coffee and, um, proceed to more pleasurable activities in the evening.”

Takao couldn’t hold back a squeal of delight. “I can’t handle you, Shin-chan. I really wanna be all over you now. Can we at least play footsie under the table?”

“Absolutely not.”

As if to prove Shin-chan’s point about Takao’s supposed indecency, the bell chimed as someone burst into the shop. Takao’s eyes widened when she saw Kise – he was panting heavily, his hair was a mess, and his face was red from exertion. He immediately grabbed Takao’s shoulders, lifting her off the chair.

“Where is Kurokocchi?! Is he alright?! I came as soon as I could! Tell me he’s alright!”

As the realization dawned on Takao, she bit her tongue to stop herself from laughing hysterically. Kuroko did tell Kise to come after all, that evil bastard. She had no idea what he told him, but Kise was nearly out his mind with worry and she couldn’t wait to finally be outside and laugh at him forever.

“He’s in the back, bleeding.”

It didn’t matter how inconceivable the lie was, Kise’s eyes widened in shock and he paled, letting go of Takao’s shoulders and darting off to the backroom. Takao immediately grabbed Shin-chan’s hand, urging him to get up. Shin-chan looked at her with utter confusion as she grinned widely, barely hiding her giddy excitement. 

“I hope you do have keys to the flat because I’m leaving all my stuff here and we’re running for it.”

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Bday, Shin-chan! (I still don't like you~)


End file.
